A very musical few days

Finals for musicians means a lot of concerts and recitals. These past few weeks have been full of junior and senior recitals, and now it's studio recital time. On Friday our Big Band played; they are really good! I heard a little of their concert- so I could hear Dane's trombone solo- and I was surprised at how good they sounded.
Saturday was Centralhallapalooza- for some reason that's what our student activities board decided to name a campus party under a big tent with five favorite school bands ;) I stayed for Nickel Creek (Dunn Right), because they are amazing. Megan Dunn, who lives in Olds, plays the fiddle and sings; Jason Custer plays the guitar; and Jeff Meyers plays the mandolin and sings. They, of course, do Nickel Creek covers- and they are darn good at them too. Sweet Afton has to be my favorite; maybe that's because it was written and set to music by Robert Burns? :) And sung by either Sean Watkins (NC) or Jeff if it's NC Dunn Right.
Sunday was our choir concert, and my favorite part was hearing the chamber choir sing. They have the purest sound and sing the most challenging music- sometimes I hold my breath while they're singing. They sang a French song, a Gaelic song, a British folk song, and a hymn on Sunday, and they were all beautiful.
Sunday night was Natalie's violin studio recital. She played a Paganini piece and did a great job. :)
Today was my Armenian/Gypsy/Jewish friend Ben's violin recital. Obviously, with such a heritage, he is pretty great at playing, especially anything that sounds eastern european.
Tomorrow is my voice recital... aaah! I'm singing Danza, Danza, Fancuila Gentile by Franceso Durante- it's a little Italian arietta from a 17th century opera. It's fun and it practically sings itself, but I'm still nervous! I'm going to practice with Natalie now..

Purcell

Today was our choir concert, and I loved this song we sang with a combined choir, Henry Purcell's Hear My Prayer O Lord. I had to find a video on YouTube, since nobody's allowed to record our concerts, but I thought you might enjoy the amazing harmonic structure you can get with two choirs. :-) Our chamber choir stood along the sides of the church and the big choir stood in front when we did this today, and it was beautiful.

Evening worship

Beauty Of Your Peace

Your voice has stilled the raging storms
The wind and waves bow down before
Your still small voice brings hope to all
Who wait on You, we'll wait for You
To lead us to the place where You'll restore our souls
And all our earthly strivings come to cease

Take from our souls the strain and stress
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Your peace
The beauty of Your peace

Bright skies will soon be overhead
We'll enter in to Heaven's rest
There'll be no death, there'll be no pain
The things of old will pass away
You'll lead us to the place where You'll restore our souls
And all our earthly strivings come to cease

~Tim Hughes

Some things I want ALL you beautiful people to remember today~

"... at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenant of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace..." (Ephesians 2:11-13)

"And I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy, and I will say to those who were not my people, 'You are my people!' And they shall say, 'You are my God!'" ~Hosea 2:23

"You shall be called a new name,
which the mouth of the Lord shall name.
You shall also be a crown of glory
in the hand of the Lord,
and a royal diadem
in the hand of your God.
You shall no longer be termed Forsaken,
Nor shall your land anymore be called Desolate;
But you shall be called [My Delight Is In Her] and
your land [Married].
For... as the bridegroom rejoices over the
bride,
So shall your God rejoice over you." ~Isaiah 62:2-5

"But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God- and righteousness and sanctification and redemption." ~1 Corinthians 1:30

I love you so much :-)

I suppose that last post wants some explaining, doesn't it? I'm sorry it was so cryptic. I was in the middle of a lot of thinking and a lot of deciding what exactly to think.
I suggested last week that Paul and I hang out sometime before we graduate- an audacious move but not too forward considering that was the way we ended- "friends". Since then we haven't talked once for longer than five minutes, in public, about school and spring break, so it's been a bit different than I think he intended when he asked several times over if we could be friends; that's fine and understandable and healthy for us both, but it's time to talk a little. Be friends.
He thought maybe this past weekend would have been a good time to hang out. As it turns out, he remember that he's graduating in two weeks and has work to do... ha. Boys. So this weekend didn't work out. But suddenly the idea of seeing him, expecting him to ask what I've been thinking, and knowing I could say many things led to great confusion. Up until this week, I've been fairly content to trust that our relationship is over as far as I know, and I didn't let myself think beyond that except to know that if the Lord wants that to change, He can certainly make it happen. There is nothing in mine and Paul's relationship except timing that would prevent that.
But that is what led to all of the confusion this week. What if I shared the thoughts I've had on marriage the past three months, my thoughts on long (and long-distance) courting relationships, and even (*gasp*, I know:) shared my feelings? Let him know, "I know this isn't the time you want to be in a relationship, but you should know that I love you, and I'm still supporting you in your heart for ministry." Then what? Oh dear. I didn't know- can I say that? Is it wrong to say so now? It is being discontent with God's will for my life right now? Is it what I'm supposed to do, perhaps? I turned over all the possibilities in my head as I prayed and talked and thought...
After a good talk with my Daddy :), Mom, my girls, even my roommate (she was very encouraging and wise!) and lots of prayer, I was reminded that no matter what I do or say (or don't), I must do it depending on God to give me words and to work through those words. If I speak, God will work through what I say, for whatever purpose He desires; and if I feel I shouldn't, He will give me the trust and contentment I need to be still. No matter what the case is, He will still be in control; even if I blurt out things I shouldn't, or stay silent when Paul's secretly wishing I would fight against him for him, God's will is not changed. I am finally learning just now, I think, to find real contentment in my situation.
It means hoping, I've discovered- asking God for what I honestly want, and being content to have my desires changed to His. It's been a very good several days since all this has settled down. And point of interest? Paul told me yesterday that he's going to be going straight to school in the fall (he was going to work for a year or two, to save money for school) in Indiana (he was going to go to a seminary in California). [Dyer, Indiana is, by the way, three hours from here.] He seems a little baffled by the choice still; I think God is directing him there, because it's so different from what he'd planned. I'm excited for him to be at a good school, surrounded by godly men, having to trust God for the money he will need. He lives his life according to what he thinks is the best choice, the most logical, the most likely to succeed; now he will have to trust that God knows what is next. And so will I. There has been a lot of that in my life and in our family lately, but God is always working for the best.

“What are you saying about me?” I know I heard my name, even though I’ve already said hello and am walking past. It’s been a while since I heard it from him.
“Oh… I said, you have fancy bag for that computer.” His eyes almost light up again for a moment.
I roll my eyes, laughingly. “Yes?”
“You should get a backpack. They’re so much better. That- that’s just ridiculous.”
I have no idea why he’s discussing my computer’s little case with G-off, any more than I know why he seems most like himself when he wears my favorite sweatshirt. I shrug. “You’re just jealous.”
He shrugs too, still smiling, and says he likes his backpack, and I walk away to work at a small table where I can see the sun.

“You still love him, don’t you?” she asks later when I tell her the silly story.
I guess I’m not thinking about anything but that word, “love”; a smile creeps up on me and I can only shake my head to show my futility. “Yes; yes, darn it, I do.”
She looks benevolent. “I thought so last week, but yesterday I was pretty sure. And I was reassuring myself that you were getting over him…”

I walk out to wash dishes for tea, thinking I ought to feel at least as hopeless about loving someone who is gone as she does; but all I can think is that I did love him, and I need to do that the right way now. I realized I am not afraid to have loved and to love without receiving love back because I simply can’t be afraid of not receiving back a love that is not my own. The love of Christ compels me- I want to see him joyful, delighting in God, confidently responding to His call; that is the sort of love I cannot let go of. Still, I don’t love him well, I think. I am selfish, and I’d rather get him to smile at me than pray for him.
I pick up to the chapter on France’s attempt at “normalcy” in the inter-war period, but I’d much rather be at the music building. My Desire by Jeremy Camp comes on; it makes me put down my book and close my eyes. Sometimes my fingers think they really knew how to play the piano once, and my brain has forgotten how; I get the sudden urge to sit down and play. I listen to this song instead, simple as it is, because it’s why I want to play. And I know that the way I can still love is in found in Jesus. Jesus Christ invites me to a life of love, of commitment to Him before everything and everyone else, which means all the other loves are secondary. Only He matters, really; truly. Loving Him matters, and serving Him matters. Love is the outpouring of that, what it looks like, what it should be, because He first loved us. I need to allow Him to take my hopelessness, my rags, and delight in the garment of praise He gives me.

Sweetness

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.
My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He inly is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory,
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God."
~Psalm 62:1-2, 5-7


I know that Mom quoted this on her blog today too, but I couldn't help copying, because it is one my most favorite Psalms. I have read it so much this semester... I have learned how truly sweet and comforting and wonderful our God's word is to my soul.
I love this one especially, and I love how it says in verse two, "I shall not be greatly moved..." to "I shall not be moved" in verse 6. First of all, David knows that being a little moved is not bad for him- it is something God will always use for the best. (Remember that, is it not for "fine" or "pretty good" that God works, not for an acceptable alternative, but for the best!) And then he moves from that acknowledgement to saying he shall not be moved at all. I think that is not because David has changed his mind and thinks God will not let him be moved at all after all, and it is not just for poetic emphasis that he changes that phrase so subtly, but because he has learned that nothing that can happen to him will ever truly move him. Nothing will take away his peace, joy, and delight in God, even if all else he delights in is gone. Nothing will move David from the foot of God's throne. I love that confidence, that peace, and that desperation to never leave God.

I know this will make my blog quite long, but I wanted to put up this excerpt from the song Caroline that I think I put up a while ago:

Yesterday is gone and
Everything that made you cry has fallen to the ground
I'm here to bring you home
I will always take you back
You haven't let me down

I know you want to run away
I know that you can't see tomorrow

Caroline
Let me wipe away your tears, and give you life
Make you feel beautiful again
Caroline
Don't throw it all away
I'm here tonight, to take away your pain

I think the other thing that threatens to move us is the thought of failing God, or thinking we have already failed Him, but look, we haven't let Him down. He knows we fail; but He is compassionate and is never by let down by our efforts to glorify Him. He is glorified in our trying, and in our delight in Him, not (just) by our successes. Let us never, ever stop delighting in Him- and He will be glorified.