Persistent Joy

The back room of the library, an eccentric room with red chairs and a yellow and gray area rug, big windows alongside a stone fireplace, and "special collections" of books that nobody ever looks at, is my favorite room of the library. It is where I have been spending every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning from 10-11 since the semester started, and it already brings back (recent) memories. The first week was the week that Paul and I ended our relationship; and, surprisingly, the overwhelming memory that room brings back is joy. Not a happy, carefree joy, but a clinging, trusting, hopeful joy. What can I even call it to convey the depth and need of that joy? A necessary joy, a lifesaving joy, a God-given joy. I was thinking about that, and about how I've struggled with my attitude about having to let go of Paul since then, alot this morning. The only thing that gives me real joy about that is what I know about God- here's what I wrote this morning, in that back room: "I am still struggling with having to let go of Paul, but I am convinced of the perfect goodness of Your plan. That is what comforts me- not that it is "the best thing to do"; honor falls hallow on my ears when tears want to run down my face. That this is all good, in a true sense; that it is all according to your perfect plan, is what I can cling to and submit to. I can willingly surrender to a plan that I know you have made in your sovereignty for my good and your glory."
I wish I would actually remember that more. ;) I have been thinking too much lately about how weird it is to see him around school every day now and be one of the few girls in the snack bar *not* around him... jk. He usually only gets surrounded by a few girls at a time... what can I say? People love him. Girls and guys both. But it's gotten easier; and God is so good. If I can just hold on to that necessary joy, I will remember all the good that came of our relationship and all the good that is coming out of ending it. But I am still learning. Time to spend more time in the library, more time in prayer... more time with my Savior.
"You shall no longer be termed Forsaken, but you shall be called My Delight Is In Her... " ~ Isaiah 62